I’m talking to boys
Who tell me right off that bat that
They don’t like me
And then they ask why I’m always playing defense
They tell me I’m
The bad kind of different
It’s nothing I haven’t heard
They say other girls “chill”
I’ve never known the meaning of the word
I tried to get my ex to teach me how
But we broke up when I was only luke warm
And I know I’m playing offense
Charging at lighting speed
To any boy who dares to touch me
And maybe it’s not fair
But maybe I don’t mind
“You leave me after our second try Blindly I thought that you’d stay next to me But our breakup was far from the last of it’s kind I still love like I’m running out of time”
Tell them that it was sin.
Tell them that I wasn’t as tight as a virgin
girl.
Tell them that you tossed me on my back and told me I liked it.
Tell them it wasn’t forced.
Tell them that’s why you couldn’t feel anything.
Tell them I was bare.
Tell them that I shaved just for you.
Tell them I was like the African Pyramids: robbed of all gold.
Tell them I wanted it.
Tell them that you were like hard liquor my body couldn’t handle.
Tell them how I should have liked it.
Tell them how I should have dropped to my knees and scrubbed your feet like a Jewish slave.
Tell them how I should have given my body to you again and again…
I’ve started measuring my worth
In every boy
That’s ever come back
So after I left you
I just kept waiting
For that boy to text me
The one with the loose curls
Who I met
At that party
To call me and say that
Even though I left
I’m still worth something
And since I meant everything
He let me go
But you still don’t know
How to un-dig your fingernails
From my flesh
And I know without me
You’ll be bored at best
Can I call myself lovely
When I decide to stay
Aching to be brave
I’ll call myself beautiful
Because I didn’t walk away this time
Being here makes me lovely
Being here makes me lonely
1. When he says your name, it will sound foreign because you haven’t heard it in a while.
2. You will fantasize about running into him in public. You will stop wanting this, and exactly that will happen.
3. You will start going to bed 6 hours later than normal because your bed sheets smell like him and your wall makes a very horrible cuddle partner.
4. While he gets better, you’ll only get worse because you’re the one who decided to call it quits.
5. When he tells you that he loves you, don’t say it back because you never liked how it sounded coming from your lips, and he didn’t believe you anyway.
There’s etches on my bones begging for better things.
City buses and twirling around lamp posts.
Cars are not for escapes, and 4 am is when everything stops.
If you just stay up late every night, it becomes nothing extraordinary.
If you let yourself relive a moment, it loses what made it special.
You stretch out your thoughts like bobby pins until they can’t do their job.
Why don’t you just let things let?
You will find the greatest things. You will force yourself out of the house. You will be down and lonely, but you will leave your bedroom anyway.
Four out of five times, you will wish you had never left home. Four out of five times, you will want to escape an hour into the event.
One of those times;however, you will feel wonderful. There will be people that you enjoy being with, and you will never want to leave.
There will be train rides and midnight coffee runs, and maybe the real world isn’t so bad.
Sometimes, the coffee doesn’t need creamer, and maybe $15 dollars was enough in your crappy mood.
You will glance outside a window one night and not feel the need to escape. The city will be moving and you will see that all you ever needed was a notebook and two paper clips.
You will wake up one night next to a friend and feel both beautiful and used.
This is your line, now walk it.
We often find that there is a lack of hope. Those are the times when we feel it best to fold into ourselves and not leave shelter for days. In your kitchen, in your office, in the coffee shop, we retreat into these places that have been labeled safe, and we build our walls around them.
The fact is, life will sometimes give you a break. Things will become simpler but only for a while, only when you have anesthetics. You do whatever it is that takes away the pain.
I believe if we use these anesthetics long enough, we will begin to see our situations in new ways. Each time we take a sip, a swing, a hit, a step, we get a little bit closer to hope. You keep at it, and every time the pain goes away temporarily, it adds up for life.
One day, doing happy things becomes bearable again. You start going out. You take that shower. You call your friends up.
Yes, I very much would like to see that crappy movie with you.
You listen to song; it sounds different. You try because you never stop until you absolutely can’t.
The Initial Crash of you 